Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakqual- D-

In "Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakqual" brilliant comedian David Cross' dignity is sacrificed for the film's one and only laugh. He's taken enough heat for appearing in the first one, so I won't lay it on any more. But he's back again here drawing a paycheck for a piece of crap he himself would never lay eyes on if he weren't being paid to do it.

Jason Lee seems to have wised up and taken the easy road out. He's technically "in" this movie, but his screen time (and his embarrassment) has been cut down to almost cameo status. He lucks out by spending most of his scenes in a hospital bed after his character "Dave" suffers some misfortune at a charity concert as a result of Alvin's showboating antics at the beginning of the movie. He leaves a layabout relative by the name of Tobey in charge of the singing sensations who are now taken off the road and thrust into school to live the lives of normal children.

Cross' unscrupulous record producer reenters the picture when he finds a team of singing female chipmunks and seizes on them as a way back to the big time.
Which brings me to the film's only laugh. Cross tries to get his new girl group into the school talent competition to steal the spotlight from the Chipmunks. As the three Chippettes sing Beyonce's "Single Ladies," cross has stage lights attached to his arms, legs and head and he's furiously waving them all around to simulate a real concert light show. That made me chuckle once. Nothing else did.
and from the sounds of the audience I saw it with, I think I might be a little generous in acknowledging even one laugh.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakual" D-

10 Worst of 2009

My 10 Worst Films of 2009 (in No Particular Order)

Motherhood
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
All About Steve
Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
The Blind Side
Land Of The Lost
Year One
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
Did You Hear About The Morgans?
Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian

Did You Hear About The Morgans? D

At this point in their careers Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker can sleepwalk through roles and they often appear to be doing just that in the romantic comedy "Did you hear about the morgans?"

We've seen Grant play the witty english cad, and Parker play the shrill urbane new yorker more times than we can mention. Here they're a highly successful couple that's been separated because of an infidelity and they're on the outs. That is until they witness a murder and are thrust back together into the witness protection program in what seems like the blink of an eye.
You don't go into the movie expecting plausibility. They're soon swooped away, by private jet (hey aren't we in a recession?), to the tiny town of ray wyoming. And we're treated to an endless stream of warmed over smugness and big city folk in the country hijinks. Oh and there's a contract killer out to get them, but that part of the story seems lazy even by these low standards. Hmm, I wonder if there will be a rodeo involved?

The film literally seems to lurch from one Hugh Grant self depricating punchline to the next, and stands there waiting agonizingly for laughs that almost never come. A few of them made me smile, but the silence in the theater was deafening. You know it's bad when you compare a film to "The Great Outdoors" and "The Great Outdoors" starts to look not quite so bad.

"Did You Hear About The Morgans?" D

It's Complicated: B

It's Complicated is a well crafted genre exercise that knows its audience and knows exactly what it wants. It's like a big pint of haagen daas. Comfort food that adds a little twist to make it seem new, but also knows how to push all the right buttons.

When you have such pros like Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin, they elevate the material. But while my wife thought the film about complicated middle aged love was a bit too "menopausal" I thought it was at least a bit refreshing to see this kind of a relationship on the screen. It exists in a fantasy world where everyone has everything they want materially and can afford to spend countless amounts of money on everything their heart desires. But of course the material things can't buy them what they really want, someone to love.

Alec Baldwin is appealing and a little revolting as the horny ex husband who, emboldened by a drunken fling with his ex-wife Meryl Streep, falls back into love with her and all the things he loved about her.
Streep is a joy as always, and presents a complicated portrait of a self confident older woman who's in touch with her younger sexual side, but doesn't spill over into gross caricature.

It may be a bit disconcerting to hear about Meryl Streep's bikini waxes, or lack thereof, but I found it to be an enjoyable time at the movies.

It's Complicated: B

Avatar: B

You can say this for James Cameron's Avatar, you've never seen anything like it. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing remains an open question after this ambitious journey into a new sci fi world. But I've got to hand it to Cameron for so aggressively paving his own way and creating a new world instead of simply piecing together one from the spare parts of other sagas.

We're taken to the new world of Pandora, where soldiers working for a corporation are looking for a valuable mineral called "unobtanium." The natives don't take kindly to the new alien intruders, so the corporation creates Avatars. They look, and act like the natives, but they're actually controlled by humans through brain waves back in a lab.

Cameron's Avatars look a bit like the bastard step children of refugees from the musical "cats" and the elves from Lord Of The Rings with a little blue smurf dna thrown in. Things get complicated when a military grunt controlling one of the avatars begins to fall for one of the natives and see things from their point of view.

Cameron's visuals once again trump his somewhat ham fisted story telling. He's got old veteran Sigourney Weaver to help, but centerpiece Sam Worthington doesn't have quite enough charisma to paper over his director's weaknesess. But at least he largely avoids the pitfalls that have trapped late period George Lucas- An infatuation with technical gizmos while neglecting to put together simple things like a story, characters, or real human emotion.

Avatar doesn't always succeed, and things get a little silly at times as he pounds home his environmental message with a sledgehammer, but it's worth a trip to the cineplex for something you'll be talking about for a while to come.

Avatar: B

Invictus: C+

Playing a well known historical figure is always a tricky proposition, especially when the figure is still alive and still a part of the national consciousness. It's hard to look at an actor- even a great one like Morgan Freeman- and not see him as an actor playing the part of Nelson Mandella. But Invictus tries to replace the image of Mandella entirely by inserting Freeman in what looks like real news footage of Mandella being released from prison, and being sworn in as the new president of South Africa. It didn't sit well with me, because while watching it I kept thinking what's Morgan Freeman doing up there and where's the real Nelson Mandella.

In Invictus, Morgan Freeman plays Nelson Mandella as a national Hero, but also as a shrewd politician. It would be easy to reduce Mandella to an almost saintly like caracture who just spouts high minded platitudes about the state of the South Africa such as "we have a lot of promises to keep."
But the film and Freeman always make sure to hint at the well of political calculation simmering just beneath the surface. Mandella is a politician who is forging a path of compromise to keep his fractured nation together after decades of segregation. Freeman does his best to give us some insights into Mandella the man behind Mandella the public figure.

Matt Damon has an even tougher time as the captain of South Africa's rugby team. Although he's playing a less well known figure, Damon is a little too distanced from the part. You can almost see him working on the difficult South African accent in his head before he talks. It's not a bad accent, but it just sounds like copied a few of the bad guys from Lethal Weapon 2.

We begin the story shortly after Mandella takes office for the first time, and both sides of the country are learning to live together without apartheid. The racial struggles are largely seen on a day to day level through Mandella's bodyguards. At first it's an uncomfortable mix of Blacks and Whites, but they eventually come to an uneasy truce and learn to trust each other a little.

When he is swept into power, one of his first big gambles is to save the name of the south african rugby team. The new black heads of south africa's sports council want to banish the name, the colors, and the anthem of the Springbox because it is a symbol of apartheid for them. But Mandella swoops in and argues successfully that to deprive the white minority of this symbol of national pride would only confirm their worst fears and rip the country apart.
And thus we begin mandella's championing of the rugby team as a political tool for racial harmony. And he forges a relationship with its captain to help get the team to the world cup and give the new south africa a shiny new image.

This predictably all leads up to the big game, and a predictable crowd pleasing finale. It's a better film than that other crowd pleasing football drama "The Blind Side" and I learned more about rugby than I knew before. But much like Clint Eastwood's last movie "Changeling" it's a handsomely mounted trophy piece that doesn't really do much.

Invictus: C+

Nine: B

Nine begins with a total deconstruction of the art of film in its first few seconds, and then it begins to spin this naval gazing yarn about an italian director at a loss for a script or even a story for his next film. He's surrounded by a wife, a lead actress, a mistress, a reporter and a costume designer. They're all women who have shaped him and his psyche. His wife makes him a family man, but stifles his creativity. His mistress is a plaything, but their pleasures have lost their meaning, and she becomes something he would rather keep hushed up just as she becomes tired of living inside this compartmentalized section of his increasingly chaotic public and private life.
The costume designer is the voice of reason. His lead actress is the outlet for his fantasy. She's the part he wants her to play, but (as he found out with his wife, who was once his lead actress) reality refuses to play by art's rules.

Daniel Day Lewis is a bit glum but I didn't have a problem with his performance as the conflicted director. Penelope Cruz is effective, but her mangled english tends to sabatoge her efforts at seduction, for the audience anyway. The rest of the cast is solid, but unremarkable.

The film isn't half as clever as its source material, but it does capture your attention. It doesn't have quite the freshness or vivacity of director Rob Marshall's last foray into the world of musicals "Chicago," and its soundtrack is engaging but lacks a showstopping number that you'll be able to remember even 5 minutes after the end credits roll. But it doesn have style, and it does at least try to tackle some interesting subjects.

All in all, it's pretty good. But not the home run you'd expect.

Nine: B

Up In The Air: A-

George Clooney has his work cut out for him in "Up In The Air." He's a corporate downsizing specialist, a hired hatchet man to make the cuts bosses don't have the stomach for. And the way he lives with himself is by fully embracing a life on the road.

For him, a night in the Hilton in wichita is as warm and comfortable as home. Airports are his office. He's kind of like Tom Hanks in "The Terminal" only he makes every airport his home. He's the kind of guy who picks up a fellow female traveler on the road by comparing their club cards.

I'm convinced that no one other than George Clooney could have possibly played this part. No one else could have found a soul in this seemingly superficial character. And that's quite a feat because his boss says bad times for the economy are great times for them, and he's fired so many people so many times for so long nothing fazes him any more.

His life in which he's devoted himself to building up miles and gaining even more elite status among the airlines, hotels, and car rental companies he uses every day is a fantasy. But it may be the only way to truly survive with some kind of happiness. I've known plenty of people who travel a lot for a living, and everyone says the same thing. After about the first week, it gets to be a grind and you start to hate it.

The story is almost deceptively lighter than air. Clooney sees his chosen way of life under attack when his boss played by Jason Bateman considers pulling him off the road and firing everyone by webcam instead. To make a case for why its beneficial to do your dirty work face to face, he agrees to take the new corporate whizkid named Natalie along for the ride to show her the ropes. There are a few ringers like Zach Galifinakis and J.K. Simmons among the mopes who get canned along the way.

Up in the Air isn't a movie that jumps out and grabs you immediately. It kind of sidles up next to you and begins making conversation. And the more time you spend thinking about it, the more agreeable it seems. And before long you've found yourself watching a movie that has won over your heart with charm, and wit.

Up In The Air: A-

Brothers: B-

"Brothers" is a good film that I sadly worry may have a hard time finding its audience. It's a surprisingly stark and real story of a Marine (Tobey Maquire) with a wife and two kids who heads off to fight in afghanistan.

He has a ne're do well brother who's just out of prison played by Jake Gyllenhaal.
I'm usually not much of a fan of Gyllenhaal. He has about as much emotion as a dead fish for me most of the time, but he suprised me here. He dug in deep beneath his character's superficial roughness to portray the soul of a man dealing with disappointment and trying to live up to the lofty reputation of his brother and the high expectations of his military veteran father.

And Natalie Portman gives one of the best performances of her career as Maguire's wife.

When his military helicopter crashes, he's presumed dead. And the film nicely intercuts between his family back at home, and his predicament after he's captured by afghanistan rebels.

Director Jim Sheridan, who did the truly wonderful "In America" a few years back, has just the right touch with the material. Whenever it threatens to go off the rails into melodrama he knows just how to put the brakes on and bring it back down to earth. And his work with the two children in this movie is pretty remarkable too. These aren't your typical movie star kids, they seem like just normal girls reacting how normal girls would react in the situation. None of that winking look, or carefully rehearsed crying.

All in all, it's no feel good crowd pleaser, but good performances make it worth seeing

Brothers: B-

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Fantastic Mr. Fox: A

Some films simply set themselves apart and win you over. Wes Anderson's charmingly animated tale "Fantastic Mr. Fox" is just such a film. It appeals to your head with its technical craftsmanship and intelligence, but it appeals to the heart by highlighting real universal themes that will strike a chord with adults and children. That said this isn't a film that will appeal to everyone. It is obstinately a creature all its own, and it stubbornly celebrates its quirks and idiosyncracies.

Based on a somewhat obscure story by Roald Dahl, "Fantastic Mr. Fox" follows a family of foxes led by a somewhat irasciable patriarch voiced by George Clooney.
Mister Fox is a chicken thief. In his specialized world of hen thievery, Mister Fox knows no equal. But when his wife announces she's pregnant, she urges him to find a less dangerous line of work so he can provide for their family. Naturally he becomes a newspaper columnist for his little corner of the animal kingdom.

Mister Fox is not content to raise his son in the family foxhole for long. He longs for a walk back on the wild side. And he plans one last big score by hitting the big three- three huge mean mega farmers just over the valley.
But that decision puts his entire family in jeopardy.

The stop motion animation is a thing of beauty. In a world where cgi is used to solve everything, this painstaking process is a real joy to watch and provides plenty of great gags. It also does the near impossible, it makes Latin actually seem like fun.

Anderson relies on many of his usual cast of characters who turn up in small roles, including Jason Schwartzman as Fox's son who has trouble living in his larger than life dad's shadow, Bill Murray as a badger lawyer, Owen Wilson as the school's coach for a game that looks like some form of cricket, and Wilem Dafoe as a hilariously evil finger snapping french rat

I loved everything about this film. From the opening scene, with the snappily dressed mister fox in dress slacks and a shirt doing warm ups to the terrific soundtrack and joyful conclusion, this film won me over heart and soul.
and I laughed more in the first five minutes of this wonderful movie
than I did in the entire running time of some other films

Fantastic Mr. Fox: A

Old Dogs: D

There's good news and bad news about the new comedy "Old Dogs." But let's start with the good news. Robin Williams and John Travolta make a surprisingly good comedy team. There's a friendly comraderie that comes off on screen, and makes them appealing to watch even if what they're saying or doing isn't particularly funny.

But now the bad news: Old Dogs isn't particularly funny. I watched this film in a theater full of families and I counted exactly 6 chuckles from the whole crowd. And more than half of those are in the trailer. The rest of the time everyone watched in bored silence as yet another film aimed at kids devolved into a string of shots to the crotch and poop jokes, and not particularly funny ones either.

The whole joke about Williams and Travolta being mistaken for grandparents was kind of amusing the first time. But the 7th? Not so much.
These Old Dogs need to get sent back to the pound.

Old Dogs: D

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Twilight: New Moon C

Twilight: New Moon is a glacially paced teen romance that will give its devoted fans a few moments to scream with delight and its critics even more ammunition to shake their heads and scrunch up their noses with scorn.
Harry Potter seems like Masterpiece Theater compared to this overwraught fantasy that is sadly devoid of tension. And every time the film threatens to gain some momentum it grinds to a screeching halt so Bella and Edward can gaze longingly at each other and recite some groan inducing romantic dialogue that will be music to the ears of a 12 year old, but should inspire shudders from adults who know better.

The big addition this time around is the werewolves. For reasons entirely unclear, they all dress like the biggest douchebags at a party school frat party. Shirtless meatheads clad in matching jean shorts wearing the same look of empty headed constipation.

The film has elements that should have been more of a payoff. The budding love triangle with Bella caught between a vampire and a werewolf, the war between the vampires and the new pack of werewolves. But the werewolves are done in by some actually pretty shoddy looking cgi effects.

Kristen Stewart as Bella is a vacuum of charisma. Her largely blank expression, and stuttering delivery add up to a big pile of blah. Looking bored doesn't make you look soul-full. Robert Pattinson at least tries to show some inner torment, but he too often just stands back looking hurt. Lautner wears a look of constipated discomfort throughout. The lack of charisma in the two leads becomes even more apparent in their one scene with British actor Michael Sheen. He plays the head of a vampire council and he gets more out of his brief screen time than they do in the whole film.

In the theater full of screaming 12 year old girls and their mothers that I saw this film in I heard roughly 3 gasps of delight. One at the title. A second at the instance when hunk of the moment Taylor Lautner takes off his shirt for the first time.
And a third at the final scene which contains a big reveal that I won't spoil for the unfortunate few who have doomed themselves to experiencing this vortex of suckitude for themselves.

The film contains a fangirl's dream scene when Bella hits her head after falling off a motorbike. Jacob runs over and takes off his shirt to wipe the blood off her brow. This film gives its fans exactly what they want and is likely to leave anyone who hasn't drunk this particular brand of kool-aid shaking their heads.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon C

"It doesn't make sense for you to love me." I know what she means.

Ninja Assasin: C

Ninja Assassin sets a pretty high bar for itself in its opening scene, where unseen ninjas disembowel their targets in one of the most inventive bloodbaths since Uma Thurman dispatched the Crazy 88 in Kill Bill.

But sadly, the filmmakers seem to have blown their wad in that one opening scene.
Almost every one of the endless fight scenes that follow try and fail to capture the energy and wind up recycling the same moves, the same visual effects, and the same bag of tricks.

The extremely bloody movie seems to be made by and for blood thirsty fan boys eager to see laughter drowned in blood.

The revenge story about a member of an elite team of ninja assassins who sets out to destroy the clan who created him after the woman he loves is killed is pretty by the book.
and it's not compelling enough to make us care about what happens between the fight sequences. This all leads up to a peculiarly pedestrian finale that will probably be forgotten by the time you even hit the aisle.

Ninja Assassin: C

The Blind Side: D+

"The Blind Side" is an excruciatingly wholesome inspirational drama that feels condescending, forced and fake from the get go. It's based on a true story, but these characters as rendered on screen show no resemblence to anyone in the real world.

Quinton Aaron is Michael Oher- a poor, borderline illiterate, and almost homeless. But he shows potential for football, so the coach at a tony Memphis Christian school gets him enrolled.
He soon attracts the attention of strong willed mom and interior decorator Sandra Bullock. Bullock's look is strictly overpriced, borderline tacky. She's dressed to the nines, but still restrained in by a southern notion of presentability that prevents her from going all the way into Sopranos housewife territory.

For reasons never quite explained, Bullock invites the big black kid to stay at their home for the night and then to live with them.
She helps him learn how to read, play football, get a college scholarship, and onward from there.

It's innately uncomfortable to watch Bullock sashay through the projects with her impeccible makeup, fancy clothes and expensive cars. And the message that African Americans need the attention of rich white america to help them achieve anything is almost impossible to ignore.

Some may find Bullock's character to be a kind and gentle soul, but she struck me as a bullying bitch. Aaron's character Michael Oher is less a person than a prop used to make Bullock feel better about herself.
I found it impossible to believe that a child with as many serious problems as him would be an angelic gentle giant who could calm his personal demons just by shutting his eyes.

The whole experience is like a particularly earnest edition of The Hallmark Hall Of Fame without the benefit of the fast forward button.

The Blind Side: D+

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Gentlemen Broncos: C

"Gentlemen Broncos" is unabashedly made by and for the type of people who write fan fiction at home and attend sci-fi/fantasy conventions.
From the family's geodescent dome house, to the old oldsmobile cutlass cierra with the "cutlass" nameplate missing- its ugly tacky thrift store milleau is exhaustingly complete. Since these characters essentially live in the hand scribbled pages of their notebooks, what they look like to everyone else doesn't much matter.

Benjamin is a home schooled teenager who attends a writers camp so he can hear the words of his child-hood hero, a fantasy novelist with more than a few breast issues played by "Flight of the Conchords" Jermaine Clement.
Ben decides to submit his original story, entitled "Yeast Lords" to a writing competition. But faced with a deadline and writers block Clement winds up stealing it and calling it his own.

Entire sequences of the film are devoted to watching the differing versions of Ben's book played out on screen with Sam Rockwell and some intentionally cheesy effects. They're kind of amusing, but not particularly funny. And everyone in this film has the slack jawed yokel expression of dazed constipation.

I didn't hate this film. But I can't really recommend it. I found it an agreeable time waster, but it's nothing I'd really want to see again.

Gentlemen Broncos: C

2012: B

John Cusack tries to outrun the apocolypse in 2012. Director Roland Emmerich is essentially our generation's Irwin Allen, and 2012 is pretty much his "Towering Inferno."
He uses just about every trick at his disposal to turn the great landmarks of the world into delightfully cheesy looking rubble.
If ever a movie was begging to be turned into a thrill ride at a theme park, this is it. Virtually no landmark goes unscathed- except of course Chicago- as the mayan prophesy about the end of the world comes true before our very eyes.
This time its solar eruptions getting all the blame for unleashing earthquakes, meteor showers, volcanos, and tidal waves on all of earth's continents.
You definitely have to be in the right kind of mood for a picture like this.
It's story is as cheesy as they come, and no disaster movie cliche is left to languish by the wayside. Millions die, but of course the dog dodges the bullet.
And I guess I was in the right kind of mood because I kind of liked it in a dopey way. It helps to have John Cusack in the role of the sympathetic everyman- a divorced dad and struggling writer just out to get his family out of harms way. He's eminently watchable and makes you forget about the ridiculous patter the script calls for.
If you're willing to check your brain at the door and take it on its own dumb terms, you're in for quite a ride.

2012: B

Pirates Shipwrecked: C-

Pirate Radio is shipwrecked in a sea of subplots. What could have been a nice interesting little movie if it had any interest whatsoever in what it was supposed to be about, turns into a bland middle of the road dramedy with no real drive, devotion, or drama.

And it's a real shame too because the immensely talented cast stacked with ringers like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Emma Thompson, Kenneth Branagh and Ryhs Dharby from Flight of the Conchords, does its best. But none of them have much of a character to work with.
They're all just one almalgous glob of "crazy" disc jockeys on a boat broadcasting rock and roll. I wanted these characters to live and breathe the music they were playing. I wanted it to affect their dna in some way but instead it felt like they were essentially generic characters in a bland dramedy with an oldies station playing in the background.

For the first hour and a quarter nothing much really happens. At one point, writer director Richard Curtis, seeming increasingly desperate to create some artificial tension, stages a climbing race up the mast. When the uninteresting overarching plot about the BBC's efforts to shut them down finally gets going in the third act I didn't really care.
nAnd the entire third act involving a shipwreck in the north sea feels forced and fake.

Pirate Radio: C-

The Men Who Stare At Goats

George Clooney has a lot on his mind in the trippy but wildly uneven war comedy "The Men Who Stare At Goats."

Clooney is part of a secret group of elite soldiers trained to fight wars with mind powers. Clooney is in fine comic form, able to get laughs just by looking bug eyed at a cloud. And Jeff Bridges seems to be channeling "el duderino" in his role as the founder of the crack army team.

The Men Who Stare At Goats is often more clever than laugh out loud funny. It wrings a lot of smiles out of the audience when Clooney is trying to explain operation Jedi to a newspaper reporter played by Ewan McGregor (who knows a thing or two about jedis).
But it's essentially a one joke movie. Crazy elite soldiers are so devoted to their trippy philosophy that they don't notice what's right in front of them.
It's not as great as it could have been, but it's good enough.

The Men Who Stare At Goats: B

Christmas Carol Sings Familiar Tune

When I heard Jim Carrey was starring in a new version of a Christmas Carol, I feared the worst. His take on "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" was pretty unendurable from its very first frame, and I was worried he'd bring his manic schtick to the holiday chestnut.
But against all odds, I found Carrey surprisingly restrained in the role of that old miser Ebenezer Scrooge. And thankfully the film avoids the snarky tone and dumb jokes of recent animated fare in favor of a fairly straight forward re-telling of an old miser who learns the true meaning of Christmas.

Carrey fares far better with Scrooge than he does with the parts of the three ghosts. His scrooge is a delightful concoction of humbuggery without being too off the wall. But the three ghosts seem less like characters and more like props dreamed up as an excuse to show off whatever digital animation wizadry the filmmakers happen to be taken with that day. The ghost of Christmas Past is a floating candle (of all things,) and Carrey speaks in a ghostly whisper that becomes grating almost instantly.

The Ghost of Christmas Present is a more traditional image who waves his big flaming torch around for no reason.
But it does feature a cool, and pretty scary sequence where the ghost goes all "last crusade" on us and his flesh literally falls off as he disintegrates right before our eyes. The Ghost of Christmas Future is predictably menacing, but also a bit boring.

Director Robert Zemeckis seems to be the only one captivated by motion capture technology. He's back again with it here, and thankfully most of the animated characters have lost that evil dead eyed look they had in "The Polar Express." Scrooge is almost lifelike- a detailed landscape of wrinkles, imperfections, with a chin seemingly inspired by jay leno. And most of the time Bob Crachet looks remarkably like Gary Oldman. But every now and then the characters still seem like animatronic versions of themselves- believable only up to a point.

The 3-D sequences are actually pretty good. But the filmmakers indulge in too much "look at me" roller coaster flying sequences that seem out of sync with the rest of the film. Since Jim Carrey played it relatively straight, I guess the filmmakers decided to let the animators do the acting up instead.

Although It's not the best adaptation of the story that everyone with a pulse already knows by heart, It still warmed my heart with its Christmas cheer. And there's nothing wrong with that.

"A Christmas Carol:" B-

Heartbreaking and Prescious

The new film "Prescious" accomplishes its emotional power by speaking louder than anything else and making itself heard. It is a movie whose central protaganist encounters nothing but horrible circumstances at every turn. She's obese, poor, sexually abused, pregnant with her second child by her father, and with a verbally abusive and physically abusive mother who thinks nothing of telling her daughter she's a big fat dummy, and that she should have aborted her when she had the chance.

The movie may be emotionally manipulative, but its sure effective. Hell, even the sight of Mariah Carey as a welfare worker can't break its hold over the audience. The film is almost relentless as it throws all this misery and heartbreak at the audience. And Mo'Nique is truly terrifying as her welfare queen mother who encourages her daughter to just live off the government's teat just like her.

It's no friday night date movie, and not exactly an uplifting story.
But the images and performances in Precious will make quite an impression that will be tough to shake.

"Precious:" B+

Is That All There Is?

The hype surrounding the Michael Jackson concert documentary "This Is It" has been deafening for months. So it's almost impossible to live up to the expectations.
But is it worth seeing?

The movie is more of a historical curiosity than anything. The film is culled from extensive rehearsals for Jackson's comeback shows in London. Jackson is in all but about 15 minutes of the movie. And when he's on stage there's a workman like quality to his performances. It's like he's desperately trying to regain his old magic but doesn't quite know how to do it.

He only seems to truly be having fun during a couple of sequences working with dancers and musicians behind the scenes. During these scenes Michael Jackson flashes a genuine smile, and seems to enjoy helping the musicians and dancers tap into the soundtrack he hears in his head.

But when he's on the stage, the smile is strained and the moves seem strangely out of sync with the rest of the music on the show. He seems a shadow of his former self. Jackson misses cues, has a hard time adjusting to his earpiece and offers vague commentary about how he's got to just feel the cues, and the need to let things "sizzle" on stage.

It's interesting because it was his last performance. But his albums are a far better representation of the man's musical talents.

All in all this is for only the most diehard fans.

"Michael Jackson's This Is It:" C

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So Bad It's Good

In the long line of loopy Nicolas Cage movies, The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans has to be one of the loopiest. Cage is a lieutenant with the new orleans police who hurts is back rescuing a prisoner from a cell after hurricane katrina. That leaves him with constant back pain and addiction to vicodin. Soon he's doing cocaine in his squad car and running around crime scenes with that crazy glint in his eye. The film establishes Cage's loopy behavior almost from the get-go when he pulls up to a crime scene and parks his squad car almost in the front door of a building instead of the street.

Ostensibly Cage is trying to track down the drug dealers who killed a family of illegal immigrants who just happened to be selling drugs on the wrong guys turf. But director werner Herzog shows little to no interest in the procedurals of the case. He's much more interested in Cage's loony descent into near madness, along with drugs, hookers, italian hoods, crooked cops, and his bookie.
This leads up to what can only be called lizard cam- where for reasons unbeknownst to me we get a montage of footage as seen from the eyes of the lizards who keep popping up around louisiana.

Cage hasn't been this unhinged since he donned a bear suit and went around punching women in the face in "The Wicker Man." After a while I found myself willing to suspend disbelief and just enjoying the ride. Cage won't win any awards for this role, but dammit if it wasn't entertaining.

The Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans- B

Amelia Crash Lands

"Amelia" is a film with dreams of soaring to the heights of Oscar Glory. But its clunky script sends it crashing back to earth.

Hillary Swank plays the plucky aviator like she's channeling Katherine Hepburn. That's fine if you're starring in the Katherine Hepburn story, but the affectations of her speech make her sound like she's seen one too many 1930's gangster movies.
Richard Gere is agreeable as her promoter, book publisher and later husband George Putnam. But he talks like he's in a 1930's movie too, not the 1930's. The two leads' affected speech paterns are all the more noticable because no one else in the film talks that way.

The film ignores Earhart's early life almost completely, and we first see her as she's about to embark on her fateful round the world flight. The major events of her adult life, such as her first transatlantic flight, are told in flashback. There's also a standard issue love triangle between Earhart, Putnam, and a charming flight teacher played by Ewan McGregor.

The film's visuals are striking. But just as it seems to take off, the script gets in the way. The love story is supposed to pull the heart strings, but it never generates any heat. And the filmmakers actually expect the audience to swallow it's pithy platitudes like "don't let anyone turn you around" as though they were deep philisophical nuggets of wisdom.

It's a shame such a strong spirited woman who dreamed of being totally free wound up encaged by a run of the mill biopic.

"Amelia:" D+

The Vampire's Assistant

On my way to the theater to see "Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" I first saw a group of kids practicing what looked like the "Thriller" dance in Lincoln Park, and then I saw a hapless assistant knock over an entire display in the front window of the Crate and Barrel on Michigan Avenue. Both of those vignettes contained more pure entertainment than anything I saw on screen that night.

The bland teen protagonist Darren is played by newcomer Chris Massoglia.
He delivers every line in a sort of frozen monotone unsure of exactly what he's supposed to feel and why. It's like David Schwimmer trying to do Dostoevsky.
He and his equally bland best friend attend a traveling freak show full of weirdos, creepy crawly critters, and a 200 year old vampire masquerading as a harmless vaudevillian played by John C. Reilly. He has the scripts only good lines and they are few and far between.

When Darren makes off with the vampire's pet spider, it sets in motion a chain of events that lead to Darren becoming a half vampire and joining the circus to save the life of his best bud.

The film is based on a popular series of books, and it seems intended to be the first of a series.
But based on what I saw this is likely to be the last installment for a long long time. One of the chief problems here is that it seems to spend all of its time setting up what will happen later, but it never gives us much reason to be interested now.

Director Chris Weitz doesn't seem to have a clue how to handle the material. He's not sure if its supposed to be scary, or funny. And at times he seems to be hoping that a well placed pop song will communicate what he seems to be fumbling for.
Willem Dafoe, and Salma Hayek turn up briefly but are wasted in tiny roles that have nothing for them to offer. And none of the freaks make much of an impression beyond their (by now) run of the mill cgi wizardry.

For every Twilight that inexplicably strikes a chord, there are a hundred freaks that just fall flat and leave their fans with nothing but disappointment.

"Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant:" C-

Law Abiding Citizen

Law Abiding Citizen is a fast moving action picture that kept me interested, but left a really bad taste in my mouth afterwards.
It starts out looking like your garden variety revenge picture where Gerard Butler vows to get justice after two hoods who murdered his family. Because of a deal with a slick d.a. played by Jamie Foxx, one hoodlum got a minor sentence, the other got the death penalty.
Then it turns into an uncomfortable "Saw" tale about a psycho killer with a conscience.
Butler seems to be able to kill anyone anywhere at will while behind bars as he seeks to bring down the entire criminal justice system.
The movie is totally preposterous the second you apply one iota of thought to it.
It's main goal seems to be to keep moving fast enough to not let anyone think about what just happened.
One of the problems here is there is no one really to root for. But the film actually seems to be on Butler's side for most of it. And you'll be hard pressed to remember anything about this movie afterwards. It seems to evaporate before you even hit the aisle.

"Law Abiding Citizen:" C-

Vaughn Retreats To Old Schtick

Because of his excellent work in "Swingers" and "Wedding Crashers" I tend to have a high tolerance for Vince Vaughn's motormouth schtick. Yes, it could be said he plays pretty much the same character in every movie now, but I don't mind spending a little of my day with him.

That said, Vaughn's persona is becoming a little too familiar. Where once he elicted belly laughs, now he gets a knowing chuckle or two. Watching his latest project "Couples Retreat," which he produced, co-wrote, and stars in with old pals Jon Favreu and Jason Bateman, I couldn't help thinking it was about time for Vaughn to do something else for a change.

The story itself about three couples that go to an island paradise for a little sun and group therapy is genial, but never laugh out loud funny. It's the kind of movie that if you saw it on cable, you'd probably put it on, but then go do other things and not really pay too much attention. Along the way, they go to counseling, survive a shark attack, and encounter a scantily clad yoga teacher with no concept of personal space. And it all builds up to a fairly ridiculous formulaic finale that includes (of all things) a guitar hero face off that only goes to prove that it's virtually impossible to look cool playing guitar hero.

I like all the actors on screen. Vaughn and Favreu have a great onscreen chemistry, and Bateman continues to perfect another version of his Michael Bluth Character from "Arrested Development." But the movie is lazy even by the low standards of a high concept comedy. And first time director Peter Billingsly (A Vaughn pal for years, and Ralphie from a Christmas Story) doesn't show much inspiration behind the camera.

So in short, if you've gotta find someplace to get out of the house for a couple of hours, or your spouse or significant other wants to see this movie- don't put up too much of a fight. But don't go out of your way.

Couples Retreat: C+

An Argument Against Procreation

There is much to be said about mothers. They are the everyday heroes whose work is never recognized quite enough. I'm sure there is also a good comedy to be made about the struggles that moms face and how they get through the day juggling work, family, and a million errands. There might even be a way to make mommy bloggers interesting.
But sadly "Motherhood" is not that movie.

Watching it is a bit like reading a second rate mommy blog. It's the difference between listing a sequence of events and telling a story. "Motherhood" simply rushes mother Uma Thurman through a day where she's shuttling kids to school, planning a birthday party, going to the play land, and dealing with byzantine parking restrictions in new york city. But there's no story arc, no character development. Just a list of annoyances. And it doesn't even have anything interesting to say about those annoyances.

Uma Thurman is not believable as a harried mom. She's a little too haughty, and it's obvious we're watching a movie star slumming. The movie reaches its cringe inducing nadir when Thurman invites up a bike messenger to her apartment for a little impromptu dance party that seems to go on forever.

Satre wrote that Hell is other people. But he never saw "Motherhood."

"Motherhood:" F

Lie To Me

When I see Ricky Gervais on talk shows, or an Awards show like the Emmys or the Golden Globes he's the highlight. A dose of unpredictable, brutally honest, dry British wit. But when his humor is shoehorned into other projects he himself did not write it's an uncomfortable fit.

I wasn't a fan of his last big screen effort "Ghost Town," and the best that can be said for his appearances in the "Night at the Museum" films is that at least he emerged relatively unscathed.

His new project "The Invention of Lying" (which he co-directed and co-wrote) is the first film to really bring out the best in his particular brand of humor. Gervais has created a world where everyone tells the absolute truth all the time. This leads to lots of great jokes about relationships, advertising on television, and even nursing homes. Gervais plays a screenwriter at what looks like the world's dullest movie studio. They produce films of historical record that would make a botany lecture look lively by comparison.

A blind date with Anna (Jennifer Garner) uncovers a vast well of self depricating humor that's a real joy to watch. But she's not a bad person. She's just concerned about his snub nose and the fact they won't be a good genetic match to make a baby.

But then purely by accident he comes up with the world's first lie. And the film has the courage and wit to take that to wonderful, subversive extremes not normally seen in a studio film. It's essentially a one joke movie, but it's a really really good joke. There's some standard issue romantic comedy stuff thrown in too. But those can be forgiven in a film that'll keep you chuckling long after you've left the theater.

"Invention of Lying" Grade: B

This "Fame" Won't Last Forever

It's been almost 30 years since we first saw the lives and loves of an incoming class of freshmen at new York's performing arts high school. But watching this reboot is a bit like going to a Broadway show and finding out once you're in your seat that the entire cast has been replaced by understudies.

The film doesn't have any real characters only cliches. There's the classical pianist under the thumb of a domineering father who is dying to sing hip hop. The angry young man with a mom who disapproves of his artistic direction. The shy young girl finding her way and so on. What film in this day and age refers to Broadway as "honkeytonk"? The teaching scenes are familiar, but still effective. The cast of television veterans including Kelsey Grammer, Charles Dutton, and Debbie Allen, make more of an impression in their brief screen time than the students do.

The plot- what there is of it- is really just there as a clothesline to string the performances together. And that wouldn't really matter so much if the performances were any good. They're competent, but unimaginative. There's no pizazz anywhere to be found. And the film offers absolutely no surprises whatsoever.

Fame: C

Lifeless Surrogate

Bruce Willis bad haircut is the least of his problems in "Surrogate," a disappointing sci-fi yarn that takes an interesting premise and botches almost every element of the execution.

The setting is present day Boston. And Americans have found the ultimate way to get fun without exercise. They're all plugged in to robots that live their lives for them. The robots are basically better looking versions of yourself or whatever you want to be. Each robot is controlled by the thoughts of its operator. The robot can be smashed, hurled off buildings, or blown to bits but the operator emerges without a scratch. But things go haywire so to speak when two surrogates are found murdered, along with their operators.

This type of thing has been handled before, and there are some interesting ideas about identity that can be explored here.
But instead it's just left on the table purely as an excuse to make a generic run of the mill action picture. Big thinking ideas are discarded in favor of car chases, explosions, and some half baked conspiracy plot involving the giant corporation that makes the robots and its renegade founder.

The movie doesn't even have the good sense to know that its sci-fi trash, and it is sorely lacking any sense of humor. Bruce Willis' expression moderates between the smirk, and his 'what the fuck' face.
The movie ends rather abruptly with one of the more pat, tacked on endings in history. It's as though the screenwriter simply stopped trying and just quit without trying to figure out what it all means.
But by the end of the film's mercifully short running time, I really didn't much care.

"Surrogate:" C-

Love Happens

All originality in "Love Happens" goes right out the window immediately when the film trots out the hoary old adage about lemons and lemonade. This is a by the numbers romantic dramedy with lots of shots of characters staring off into space and the camera pulling back up up and away.

Aaron Eckhart is aself help guru poised to hit the big time and slogging his way through yet another seminar helping closed off people get over their grief. But surpise suprise he's still not quite over the death of his wife three years back.
Jennifer Aniston is a florist he meets in the hotel. She's fresh out of yet another dysfunctional relationship and they fall for each other.
You can pretty much tell where its going to go from here, and it pretty much follows the playbook with no surprises. But to my shock I found myself not quite hating it as much as I expected to.

If you can get past a couple of eyeball rolling romantic comedy sequencesAaron Eckhart is an appealing lead and he gives his underwritten part an appeal it doesn't deserve. And there's a little chemistry with Aniston too. The film calls on her to emote somewhat, but mostly she's just looking vaguely annoyed and twitching her nose in reaction shots.

I can't really recommend this film, but if your significant other wants to drag you to the theatre, you could do a lot worse.

"Love Happens:" C

Jennifer's Body

This horror vehicle from screenwriter Diablo Cody is neither as awful as early reviews had led me to believe, or as good as her previous effort Juno.

The film tries to be a pastiche of horror, comedy, and high school teen flick, and it fails on all counts.
Megan Fox is a bad girl gone really bad, who must east boys to survive and maintain her rosy glow.
Watching this film I came up with what I call the "Terminator Equation."
Any film starring Megan Fox should give her no more lines than Arnold Schwarzenegger had in the original Terminator. As a diabolical largely silent object, Fox may be able to find someway to scare and maintain her allure. But when called on to say dialogue, she poses and preens and says every line with a minimum of effort and a maximum of confusion.
At one point she tells a boy she'll text him her address, and she looks lost and confused. As though the concepts were alien to her and she couldn't fathom what an address was much less why one would text something like that.
You need a pop culture encyclopedia to keep up with Cody's slang. But unlike in Juno, where it seemed organic to the character and the situation, here it seems like an affectation that grows more annoying as the films interminable running time drags on.

"Jennifer's Body:" C-

The September Issue

Vogue editor Anna Wintour is both a fascinating and frustrating character. She inspires both terror and admoration.

But "The September Issue" fails to provide much insight into what makes her tick. And almost all of her staff is too scared shitless to offer anything more than the most general comments about her fickle directions.
So those expecting to see some real "Devil Wears Prada" worthy bitchiness will be sorely disappointed.

Documentary film crews followed her in 2007 as she and her staff created an edition of Vogue roughly the size of "war and peace."
This film treats Vogue as the high church of fashion, and Wintour is its infallible pope. She can make big name designers who actually have their names on labels shiver with her slightest comment, or an icy glare of dislike.
But we never really get a chance to get behind her armor.

Only once does she provide any hint of personal reflection and perspective. When talking about what her siblings have gone on to do, she seems slightly embarassed by the way she spends her time.
There's an intriguing cast of characters, but best of all is stylist Grace... who is the only one able to talk back to the high priestess.
But since it's from a time before the great recession, the free spending ways of those inside the high fashion bubble feel dated and alien to the real world as we know it.

The September Issue: C+

Big Chill

Kate Beckinsale experiences the big chill in "Whiteout."
Beckinsale is a remarkably fresh faced u.s. marshall who's gone to Antarctica to live the quiet life and try to forget a case gone bad. But with a big storm moving in and the science base about to close down for the winter, Beckinsale is called to investigate a murder.

Whiteout has plot holes big enough to drive a snowplow through. I particularly enjoyed the fact that Beckinsale is trudging all over the arctic landscape tracking down clues and flailing in snow storms in nothing more than a fuzzy hat. But the second she comes in a door, she looks like she'd just come from the makeup counter at Macy's.

The movie never aspires to be anything more than just dumb fun. And for the first 40 minutes or so it succeeds but its finally buried under an avalanche of implausabilities.

"Whiteout:" C

All About Steve

Sandra Bullock is irritating pretty much right off the bat in the misguided, and ineptly plotted romantic comedy "All About Steve."
She plays a crossword puzzle constructor with no social life, who lives at home, and has a best friend who's a gerbil. Oh and she's pretty much off her rocker.
In what seems quick even by movie relationship standards she's meets Bradley Cooper's tv cameraman on a blind date, and instantly becomes obsessed with him.

Avoid this one like the swine flu.

"All About Steve:" F

Extract

Writer Director Mike Judge's new comedy "Extract" won't make anyone forget about "Office Space." But it seems like a masterpiece compared to some of the other comedies that have gotten a far bigger push this summer.
Jason Bateman stars as Joel, a self-made man who's built his flavor extract business from the ground up.
He presides over a motley crew of clock watchers and screw ups on the assembly line, and suffers with serious sexual frustration at home with a disinterested wife whose sweat pants act as a nearly impenetrable chastity belt.
There's a throwaway plot about a con artist, a workplace accident, fraudulent lawsuits and sleazy lawyers. But Judge's strength has always been in his characters and the dialogue.
None of his assembly line drones have quite the same comic pizazz as his cubicle dwellers, but there are enough chuckles to make the film pleasant without being a laugh riot.
I actually Ben Afflec as Bateman's best friend, a bartender with a penchant for extraordinarily bad advice. Afflec is much better as a character actor where he doesn't have to do the heavy lifting.
This isn't his best by any means. But Judge's extraordinary feel for the workplace annoyances and spirit of milieu that infiltrates American workers on both sides of the front office remains intact.

"Extract:" B-

World's Greatest Dad

After a full decade of clunkers like life affirming smarmy trash "Patch Adams" and would be hilarous romps such as "License To Wed" expectations for a comedy starring Robin Williams have been justifiably reduced to something just barely above nameless dread.
But Writer Director Bobcat Goldthwait turns out to be just the evil tonic he needed, because for once Williams is working with material gleefully free from forced life lessons.

In "World's Greatest Dad" Williams plays a divorced dad, and frustrated author stuck teaching an underappreciated poetry class and raising a sex obsessed brat of a son.
When his son dies in an embarassing accident, Williams makes it look like a suicide and pens a suicide note.
But things begin to spin out of control when the note leaks out, and williams goes to unspeakable lengths to seize on his newfound notoriety.
A dark comedy like this isn't for everyone, but Robin Williams gives a surprisingly affecting performance free from his usual manic tics.
I didn't expect much from "World's Greatest Dad," but I found it surprisingly worth my time.

"World's Greatest Dad" B

Taking Woodstock

Director Ang Lee's new film "Taking Woodstock" is frustrating mix of contradictions.
The film gets the look and the feel of the times right on. But it's troubling that the film doesn't contain one single performance that makes any kind of real impression.

This is really a film about "Woodstock" the cultural event, not "Woodstock" the concert. You only see the stage itself from a distance, and there's hardly any music. The movie is much more interested in wading through the muck with the rest of the huddled masses.

At the center of it all is Comedian Demetri Martin. He plays the son of struggling motel owners who's hoping to save their catskills hideaway from foreclosure.
When he reads that the Woodstock festival has been kicked out of a neighboring town, he offers his land and more importantly his festival permit to help.

Martin can be hilariously sublime in his standup and on "The Daily Show," but he fails to score many points here.
He's really there more as a plot device to lead the audience through the experience and he's entirely unnecessary.
Eugene Levy is a great choice to play Max Yasgur- the man who opened his farm fields up for three days of peace and music. But he has too few scenes to make any impression at all.
And the less said about Liev Schrieber's transvestite transgendered former marine the better.

The film offers a pretty good example of what it must have been like to be there as the woodstock nation invaded upstate new york.
But without an interesting story to tell, it lacks any real life and vivaciousness to speak to a new generation.

"Taking Woodstock:" C

Love Doesn't Stand Test Of "Time"

It says a lot about Rachel McAdams that she's almost able to save The Time Traveler's wife from being a gooey sappy mess.
McAdams stars as a woman who falls for a Chicago Librarian played by Eric Bana. He's the man of her dreams and her best friend. But he's also a time traveler and he's been visiting her since she was a little girl in a dewey meadow. And of course she's been in love with him since about the age of 8.

The problem is, he can never control when or where he goes. Amazingly, McAdams makes the audience feel for her character. She's such a talented actress she's able to convey the universal emotions sitting beneath the silly story line. And when you see her on screen you hope Love really does conquer all. But as we all know love is a two way street and sadly Eric Bana is not up to the task. He never really gets a handle on his bewildered time traveler. He seems a little lost in time and Bana just doesn't have much of a personality to make the audience remember or care much about his side of the story.

It's probably best if you don't try to think much about the sci-fi time traveling elements of the story. Because the film doesn't seem to adhere to any real set of rules and just seems to be making things up as it goes along.

"The Time Traveler's Wife:" C

The Cantankerous Critic Is On Vacation

The Cantankerous Critic is currently on his honeymoon in Europe. He'll be back soon with more film reviews in a couple of weeks.

Ciao

(500) Days Of Summer

(500) Days Of Summer is best thought of as a series of isolated moments of greatness locked in a run of the mill indie quirkfest.

"3rd Rock from the Sun" castaway Joseph Gordon Levett stars as Tom. He's a greeting card writer and a sad sack hopeless romantic who's both simultaneously cooler than everyone else in his own mind and so painfuly shy he can't muster the courage to even talk to the object of his true love at first.

Zooey Deschanel is the quirky girl of his dreams who he falls in love with at first sight. She has her work cut out for her. When you're playing a girl this aggressively fetishized she needs to provide the audience with some clue into why she's loved the way she is. And Deschanel is happily up to the task.
And her charm goes beyond the scripts indie hallmarks; She likes The Smiths so she must be cool, and she sticks up for Ringo in The Beatles when few others will. Deschanel possesses a certain screen presence that may have you falling for Summer against your better judgement too.

The film's structure is primarily what sets this movie apart. It jumps all around and starts at the end first before jumping back and forth to joy, pain, and everything in between as we seem to be following Tom's mind as he tries to analyze what went wrong.

I particularly liked one sequence when after a breakup Tom and Summer reconnect and she invites him over to a party. The director Marc Webb uses a wonderful split screen to show what he expected to happen, and what actually does.

It's not quite the "Annie Hall" of the ipod generation as some other reviewers have raved.
But it does have enough wonderful and inventive sequences to make it worthwhile.

(500) Days of Summer: B

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince

I must confess I've always had a bit of a blind spot when it comes to the little wizard Harry Potter. You can't be conscious and not know at least a little about him, but I can't say I ever actively sought out any information or made an effort to read the books. Once when I was stuck in a hotel on a trip in the middle of nowhere I actually watched most of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkeban and it was a little better than I anticipated.

But that's primarily it. So I'm a bit of a muggle when it comes to hogwarts and all.
But I have to say I found this sixth installment reasonably entertaining. It makes hogwarts a pretty cool spooky place with nefarious forces at work in its very halls.

I can't say I got every reference or enjoyed it as much as some devotees might, but it's a handsomely made film that's well paced and has enough suspense, tension, and comedy to keep even the uninitiated interested.

"Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince:" B

I Love You Beth Cooper

"I Love You Beth Cooper" has no reason to exist. It seems to be pieced together from a few half remembered sitcoms, and older better teen movies.

In begins with the high school geek, who also happens to be the class valedictorian, professing his love for the most popular girl in school during his graduation speech.
Now this may seem like a good idea to the shy geeky dreamers looking to break down the walls that separate them from their dreamgirls in one fell swoop.
But in reality they almost never work, and the gesture only cements the geeks geekiness in the eyes of the desired.

In this film, it makes her take notice and she agrees to stop by a party that he and his ambigiously gay best friend are throwing.
But she's not the perfect dream girl he thought she was, her crazy military ROTC boyfriend goes on a rampage, and teen movie hijinks ensue.

The geek at the center of it all ,Denis Cooverman, is only sketched out in the broadest terms. He's got a star wars poster in his room, and seems to quote whatever random facts the writer could find on google, but he never comes together as a character. It makes you long for the relatively subtle comedy of "Freaks and Geeks" or even "Big Bang Theory" instead.

I think this film is being pitched as a breakout role for "Heroes" star Hayden Panitierre. But she lacks the charisma, charm, and looks to make her standout.
And you end up wondering what the fuss is all about.

There isn't a genuine emotion in the whole film, not a single scene that rings true. And the whole enterprise is uninspired, unfunny, and waste of time.


"I Love You Beth Cooper" D

Bruno

"Bruno" is essentially a feature length testament to the chutzpah of Sascha Baron Cohen. Things are performed on screen in this film I never would have dreamed of, much less been able to sneak past the MPAA.
How this film got an "R" rating I'll never know.

But that said, Cohen once again pulls off some amazing things while incognito in the guise of "Bruno" a remarkably dumb gay austrian fashionista on a quest for fame at any cost.

I don't want to give anything away, but at one point he tries to make a sex tape with presidential candidate Ron Paul, asks Paula Abdul to eat sushi off a naked Mexican gardener, tries to solicit a terrorist to kidnap him.
The film contains more jaw dropping moments than any other movie this year.
But the emphasis is more on shock value this time.
Cohen's elaborate stunts are meant to both shock and expose hidden prejudices in the people he's mocking. But "Borat" had funnier jokes and a better character behind all the vulgar outlandishness.

As Cohen has become a bigger star he hasn't lost his ability to get a message across to a desensitized audience, but he's lost a little of his sense of humor in the process.

"Bruno:" B-

"Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs"

The "Ice Age" series is a bit like one of those long running sitcoms that stays on the air, even though you're hard pressed to find anyone who would admit to watching it much less liking it.

Well a series that was never really all that inspired to begin with doesn't get any better in "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs."
Ray Romano and Queen Latifah's family of wooly mammoths is about to have a baby.
And John Leguizamo's Sid the sloth is feeling a little left out so he adopts three seemingly abandoned dinosaur eggs.
The filmmakers get around the obvious historical incongruities simply by opening up a Jurassic park like world below the snow.

The animators do make some good use of the 3-D technology, and the action sequences will keep some non-discriminating kids amused.
But there's precious little for the adults stuck in the audience. And you could go extinct waiting for any laughs from labored, sub-sitcom level script.


"Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs:" C-

Public Enemies

"Public Enemies" simply feels different than all the other gangster pictures that have come before it.
Johnny Depp plays iconic bank robber John Dillinger, but he doesn't talk or act like a movie gangster. There's no complicated back story, no tale of daddy issues and woe. He's calm, cool, calculating and quietly charming.
Depp gives you a real sense of what Dillinger might have been like and why women dipped their dresses in his blood after he came to his unfortunate end outside the Biograph theater.

Christian Bale does excellent work as well as Melvin Purvis, the G-Man assigned to hunt down Dillinger. Bale is clearly a supporting character but provides a nice counterweight to Dillinger's band of bank robbers.

Oscar winner Marion Cotillard doesn't have much to do as Dillinger's girlfriend. There's no grand "Bonnie and Clyde" romance. They're not even really a couple. They're just two people thrown together by their own needs, not a need for each other.

Director Michael Mann's obsessive attention to detail makes this feel more naturalistic than your usual a Hollywood blockbuster.
Even the gun battles pop and crackle with a brutal realism and a spark that makes them feel fresh again.
At times it seems like the moviemakers get a little too wrapped up in the details, and it seems like you're watching the biggest budgeted History Channel special ever.
But it's refreshing to see a big summer blockbuster that aims squarely at your head, even if it sometimes misses your heart.

"Public Enemies:" B+

Works For Me

Larry David is Woody Allen's "Whatever Works" saving grace. Without him, the movie would seem like just another trip down some well worn paths that Allen has explored many times before in the past.

Allen reportedly wrote the script for Zero Mostel back in the 1970's. He's given it a few superficial tweaks, but the story of a grumpy physicist who takes in a teenage runaway from the south, played by Evan Rachel Wood, seems like a little musty to say the least.

David's Boris Yelnikov hates everybody and everything. He's a genius living among a universe of dolts, dunderheads, and dimwits.
and He gets by teaching chess to youngsters. No one is funnier than David at being rude to small children.
The movie encounters a major lull when the runaway's parents track her down and show up at his doorstep. They're bible believing southern hicks who are set free by the bohemian spirit of New York City, and they're easily the least interesting part of the film.

At times it sounds like David has swallowed a theasauris as he spits out mountains and mountains of Allen's dialogue about pain, loss, and free love.
But coming from Larry David the words sound fresh and funny again. And he gives the movie more laughs than it frankly deserves.

"Whatever Works:" B-

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

Let's face it, no one is going to "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" looking for a coherent plot or decent acting.
They want robots, and lots of them, interspersed with a few shots of Megan Fox.
But even by these admittedly low standards, director Michael Bay's sequel is still a headache inducing debacle.

It's bigger, It's louder, and it's a whole lot dumber.
And after the first dozen transformers do their thing, it's hard to work up much enthusiasm.

When he's not staging incomprehensible battle scenes where its impossible to know exactly who's turning who into a bucket of bolts, he's gazing longingly at Megan Fox's pouty lips and tight clothing. And every now and then Bay stops to display a shockingly tin ear for comedy.
Bay's hyperactive camera movements make even Tony Scott's camera work look somewhat restrained by comparison.

The experience is a bit like being stuck next to a jackhammer for two and a half hours with no respite from the blaring assault on your senses up there on the screen.

"Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen" D+

Oh No You Didn't Sister

Cameron Diaz's new tearjerker "My Sister's Keeper" is nothing if not persistent. It's willing to stop at nothing to make damn well sure its audience feels sad and cries.

Abigail Breslin, who has thankfully avoided turning into another creepy Dakota Fanning child robot, is an 11 year old girl. She seems just like any other 11 year old, except she was born for one purpose. Her parents want to harvest her kidney, bone marrow, and whatever else they can get to save her older sister who is dying from leukemmia.
So she seeks out counsel from big shot lawyer Alec Baldwin about gaining medical emancipation from her parents so she won't have to give up a kidney. Baldwin provides a breath of fresh air, and he relieves the unrelenting air of saddness that permeates the rest of the production with some laugh out loud lines.

Cameron Diaz has a difficult job here. She's got to make this mother who refuses to accept the possibility that her daughter will die and will sacrifice her other daughter seem at least somewhat sympathetic. But she's not up to the task. She sounds the same note over and over and after a while you just want to give her a smack to shut her up.

These are pros here though. Director Nick Cassavettes knows how to get his audience worked up, and he throws in everything and the kitchen sink too.
Sad music? Check.
Doomed love affiar? Check
Pouring Rainstorms out of nowhere during scenes of big emotional loss? Check

I kind of admired its sheer relentlessness as it shamelessly pressed every button around.
But it's manipulations of the heart are so obvious, and they're so tinny this time, I found it got to be unintentionaly hilarious by the end.

So as a tearjerker, it's an interesting failure.
But for unintentional comedy, it's Cameron Diaz' funniest film in years.

"My Sister's Keeper:" C

A Time Before Laughter

It's been a bad summer so far for prehistoric comedies.
First Will Ferrel.
Now Jack Black has stranded audiences in a time without laughter in the comedy "Year One."

The film aspires to be a gag filled romp through Genesis and seems to be inspired by Mel Brooks "History Of The World Part 1." But I've got news for you, that movie wasn't all that good either.

Black and Michael Cera are two inept hunter gatherers who are kicked out of their tribe and the garden of Eden for one too many screw-ups and then explore the world. Jack Black can be a charismatic presence on screen, but his hyperactive mugging schtick is starting to get seriously tired. He does little here but make googley faces and fall down a lot.

Michael Cera has the films only genuine laugh and he saves the film from being a total disaster. David Cross also provides some of the films only chuckles as a delightfully evil Cain.
But mostly the script is just filled with prehistoric poop and Sodom and Gomorrah jokes.
"Year One" might have seemed like a good idea on paper, but on screen its just dreadfully dull.

"Year One:" D+

The Proposal

Going into the theater for "The Proposal" you just have to accept the plot is ridiculous. It is. But you're not there for plot. You're there to watch two appealing stars interact and play with the warm familiar constructs of a romantic comedy.

What you get however is two appealing stars with no believable chemistry, and a script that seems pieced together from spare parts of other films.

As for the plot, Bullock's bitchy book editor blackmails her assistant into marrying her to escape deportation back to Canada. In just days they're up at his family's home in Alaska to visit his Grandmother for her 90th birthday to prove they're in love and engage in some "sweet home alabama" big city girl in a small town hijinks.

Ryan Reynolds has lost much of the Dane Cook-y smugness of his early roles and has perfected an air of indignant, sarcastic detachment.
He gets off plenty of good lines at the expense of Sandra Bullock's holy terror of a boss.
Her time seems to be spent either harassing reluctant authors to be on Oprah, or firing uncooperative underlings.
As if to drive the point home and make it clear to the simplest intelligence the script has one of her underlings actually call her a mean bitch.
But Sandra Bullock is such an appealing personality, you know she's not as bad as she seems.

It's mild enough until the wheels completely come off in the third act.
The filmmakers try to cram every cliche they can think off in the finale. There's a person getting left at the altar, a heart attack, the predictable run to the airport, and a "jerry mcguire" inspired declaration of love in the middle of a crowd of coworkers.

All in all, charm only takes this proposal so far.

"The Proposal:" C

The Taking Of Pelham 123

John Travolta is laughably hammy as a madman who takes a new york city subway train hostage in "The Taking Of Pelham 123." You can practically see the flopsweat as he chews every piece of scenery he can get his increasingly meaty paws on but to no effect. He's got lots of tics but no character.

Denzel Washington is stuck playing a role he's played dozens of times before- the cool guy at the center of chaos.
He does just fine with the role, but it's sketched in the most superficial of terms. It's really only there to get the mechanics of the plot going.

Director Tony Scott uses every cheap camera trick he can think of to ramp up the energy before the opening titles are even over. His motto seems to be, why shoot from a tripod when you can shoot a scene from helicopter, or rather 2 helicopters.
All the showiness of it seems to indicate he doesn't trust the source material and doesn't trust the audience either. The film feels like it was shot by a 22 year old hopped up on coke, speed, and meth all at once.

This remake of a gritty 1974 hostage drama seems destined to run endlessly on rainy saturday afternoons on basic cable.
It's got a lot of energy, and the compact nature of the story keeps the film going at a brisk clip. But it's just empty images moving across the screen.

"The Taking Of Pelham 123:" C

Take Me Away

"Away We Go" is the rare film where you actually hope for a sequel.
"The Office's" John Krasinski and "SNL's" Maya Rudolph play an unmarried couple with a baby on the way searching for a place to set down their roots and raise a family.
It's one part family drama, one part road comedy that never feels forced or fake as the couple travels across the country visiting relatives and friends trying to find a place they want to call home.

The relationship between Krasinski and Rudolph feels real, and is full of those little details that define a relationship.

Some of the relatives and friends they meet along the way are a real hoot.
There's a boozy former co-worker Allison Janey who cuts down her beaten down husband and overweight children with a non stop barage of cutting insults
And Maggie Gyllenhaal shines as a women's studies professor in wisconsin with some unusual parenting techniques.
I found a lot of these characters were able to walk the line without being too over the top.

It's a rare comedic effort from Director Sam Mendes, and he brings an eye for detail to the story.
The experience was a little like going over to a really funny and smart literary friend's house for a party.
I was a little sad when it was all over.

"Away We Go:" A-

A Lack Of Imagination

Much like George W. Bush before he was elected President the first time, Eddie Murphy has steadily sought to lower the bar for success.

After audiences have sat through such drek as "Doctor Doolittle," "Daddy Day Care" and the dreadful "Meet Dave" anything that isn't cringe inducingly awful can be viewed as something of a triumph.

"Imagine That" stars Murphy as a workaholic divorced dad with no idea how to connect to his seven year old daughter who spends all her time under a blanket talking to imaginary friends.
But things change when he discovers his daughter's imaginary friends are full of hot stock tips.

The only reason this film doesn't fail miserably is that it doesn't try.
It's genial enough, but no one puts any real effort into the movie at all.
Every now and then Murphy tries to fake some energy, but he's really just cashing a check here.
And Thomas Hayden Church deserves special scorn for his awful performance as Murphy's rival who dispenses stock advice with a little faux native american goobeldygook.
The end result is a film that's not as bad as "Norbit."
But it is sorely lacking in inspiration, and ambitions.

When I saw this in a theater full of young children I heard a lot of noises coming out of the crowd.
But the one thing I didn't hear a lot of was laughter.

"Imagine That:" C-

One Hell Of A Hangover

You could quibble a lot with "The Hangover."
You could say the characters never really grow beyond the one word archetypes in the script.
You could say the plot is just a ratty clothesline to hang the gags and set pieces on. But there's no denying that I laughed consistently and heartily throughout.

It's a raunchy what-happens-in-Vegas tale that only gets more deliriously weird as it goes along. A groom, his fiance's oddball brother, and his two best college buddies head to Vegas for his bachelor party. But things get out of hand and they lose him somewhere in Vegas. Nobody can remember anything about what happened. But apparently it involves a chicken, a late night trip to a wedding chapel, a baby, Asian gangsters, and Mike Tyson's tiger.

Stand up comic Zach Galifianakis has just the right unnerving presence and comic timing to make even jokes about sex offenders seem funny in just the right unsettling way.

"Daily Show" and "The Office" alum Ed Helms does a fine job as a henpecked dentist under the thumb of a controlling girlfriend. Only Bradley Cooper seems to be playing the same smarmy douche bag persona over and over again.
It lacks that special human touch to make these characters entirely relatable. But for a film from "Old School" director Todd Phillips, it's pretty good.
And you'll be quoting lines even after the movie becomes a hazy memory.

"The Hangover:" B

Lost Cause

People who hate Will Ferrell now have all the ammunition they'll ever need in the unfortunate big screen adaptation of the old TV show "Land Of The Lost."

Ferrell is an overeating crackpot of a scientist whose obsession with time warps has gotten him laughed out of the mainstream. But a pretty young English scientist restores his confidence, and with the help of a redneck guide slash fireworks salesman they unlock a portal to a parallel dimension populated by dinosaurs, lizard people, and a tribe of missing links.

All the Ferrell hallmarks are here- the shirtless exploits, the comically worded pop culture referencing exclamations, and his infatuation with warbling through ballads and show tunes. But there's nothing fresh about any of it, and his brand of comedy doesn't gel well with the rest of the pseudo sci-fi plot.

And it seems to go on forever. Imagine my pain and heartbreak when I looked down at my watch and realized only 1 hour had gone by.

It's a boring uninspired mess that stinks like a big pile of dino poo. In fact dino poo and other bodily fluids are the basis for most of the jokes.
Maybe Ferrell should just avoid TV adaptations altogether because he hasn't had much luck so far. You'll get a sense of how bad this one is when I say that even his unloved Nora Ephron disaster "Bewitched" starts to look good in comparison.


"Land Of The Lost:" D

Up, Up And Away!

Let me start by saying Pixar's latest animated film "UP" contains some of the most beautiful sequences I've seen in any movie this year.

An old man- Voiced by Ed Asner- decides to escape the big city by attaching balloons to his house and floating away to the South American paradise he and his late wife had aways dreamed about. But an overenthusiastic wilderness explorer in need of a merit badge inadvertantly hops along for the ride.

The first third of the film gives a perfectly executed snapshot of a life from boyhood to old age with true love, marriage, and then heartbreaking loss in between.
Its tender and sweet without being sappy, and as long at the film stays in the air, it soars to heights few films can match.

Once he actually gets to his destination though, I found the story got bogged down, and the plot went from exceptional to ordinary. A team of talking dogs with translators literally steals the show in the meantime.

That helps lighten the mood until UP gains altitude again for its thrilling conclusion.

"UP":B+

Curses! Broiled Again!- "Drag Me To Hell"

A young bank loan officer has a problem no bailout can solve in the new Sam Raimi horror flick "Drag Me To Hell."
When a comically gnarled old gypsy woman comes into her bank pleading for help to stop the foreclosure on her home, Allison Lohman lets career ambition trump her conscience and refuses to help.
The old hag puts a curse on her and then everything goes to hell.
Then she enlists a storefront psychic to help her escape eternal damnation.
Director Sam Raimi knows his way around the horror genre.
In one scene I noticed creaking floorboards, rustling wind chimes, unexplained wind gusts, a creaking gate, and the flashlight that's always on the fritz.
But as anyone who's seen the Evil Dead trilogy knows, Raimi knows how to milk uncomfortable situations for laughs.
One of the funniest sequences uses animal sacrifice as a demented punchline.
And I particularly liked her somewhat ed woodian struggle with a hanky from hell inside a moving car.
But for me the film always seemed to be on the verge of becoming a real hoot, but it never quite got there.
For one, Allison Lohman is too weak a heroine to make much of an impact. And when the script calls for her to get tough near the end it feels forced and fake.
The ooga booga shocks start to get repetitive after a while.
And the film rams some of its sequences right down our throat.
This all leads up to a conclusion I found strangely unsatisfying. I laughed yes. But what should have been a diabolical good time ended up a little disappointing.
"Drag Me To Hell": C+